Migraine Meditation Technique

I have a migraine and I brought the tape recorder with me to bed. Someone transcribed the voice file and posted it to this blog. This is a meditation technique I first learned from Insight Meditation, http://www.dharma.org/

and, then, over the years, I've gotten more experienced at it. I did not have migraines when I first learned about this. I had back and neck pain, which I still have.

The idea is that rather than focus on how angry I am, rather than staying embroiled in the migraine, this technique helps me detach a bit. It's more of an observation; I'm observing myself calmly without judgment, and I'm very focused on the physical right now and not the emotional - although that may come up, and I'll observe it then. But I'm more focused on the physical.

So what does that mean? First of all, I'm lying in bed comfortably. I've got several towels over my head so I can block out the light. Now, you may wonder, why I don't close the shades, which would be better... I wouldn't need so many towels over my head. However, I'm in a building where management will still not heat the building, and, so, I need the heat to come in from the sun. But those of you that can close the shades, should. Make sure that the phone is unplugged so that there's no phone ringing and no sudden noises. (I know someone whose husband goes into the closet.) A few times when I was staying in a guesthouse away from home, and I had a migraine, I could not stand the sounds from outside, I lay down on the bathroom floor, and it was much quieter. You decide.

I notice what is the strongest sensation. Right now, it's on the right side of my head, on the temple. One of the most important questions to ask is: Do I feel a pressure from the outside coming in or from the inside going out? This is one of the questions the neurological doctors will ask. I often have to pause before being able to answer this question. For me, right now, it's from outside coming in on the right-hand side, and it also itches. After I scratch it, I get the eyes covered again.

Now it just so happens that I have Ulnar Neuropathy in both elbows, so I when I lie down I put a towel under the nerve (under the elbow) so that it's softer under the elbow that's on the bed. The other elbow is on my hip. Now there's a pushing sensation into the back. It feels like I've been walking around for days with a backpack full of rocks. Now it's on the left side on the lower back. But the strongest sensation is still on the right side of the head just over the eye.
There are other very useful questions you can ask yourself, such as: is it a sharp pain? Is it dull? Is it throbbing? If there is an intense throbbing, be sure to breathe deeply, in and out, as you do this exercise. I read an interesting theory that migraines result from people not getting enough oxygen to the head. So be very sure that you're breathing deeply.

I feel like I'm in the early 1900's when women were in corsets, where they had string in the back to tie it so tight that they could barely breathe. It feels like I've got something like that on my body because when I try to breathe deeply it feels like my back is stopped by something. There's also some sensation on my left temple in that same area near the left eye. My right hip also feels constrained.

Someone just honked a car horn somewhere. With all the windows closed, it would be nice to get some fresh air, but it would be too much noise from outside. It's truly amazing over the last few years I've been using this technique, I almost always fall asleep even though that's not really my intention. My intention is just to find a compassionate way to get through this.

There are some pins and needles over the bridge of my nose, just briefly, and then it goes away. There are some sharp pains also at the right temple area.

I had a cynical thought as if someone were saying to me, “Why don't you get a lobotomy?” The mind goes all over the place when you have a migraine. It's harder to concentrate on simple things like getting the date right. My mind becomes more sluggish. I may need to pause and regain my thought just because these physical sensations are very, very distracting.

I had physical therapy this morning, but I was not able to count - usually we count how many times I'm doing the leg lift with ankle weights or different exercises - but I just could not keep count today.

There is nothing wrong with reminding myself to breathe deeply because it is easier to forget. The weather changed quite a bit. We had six consecutive days of 70 degrees, and then we had rain early this morning, with lightning and thunder. Many of us with migraines discuss having difficulty when the weather changes. I don't just mean the changes of the seasons, but from one day to the next.

I went to a number of Meditation retreats at Insight Meditation Society located outside of Worcester, Massachusetts. Just Google "Insight Meditation" and you'll see that there are Insight Meditation centers in Denver, Boston, New York, D.C., Redwood City and other locations. If you do not see a location near you contact http://www.dharma.org/.

There are many forms of meditation. I'll talk more about this in upcoming posts. This exercise helped me so much!

A Member of My Extended Family Died

Yesterday I received a call from my mother. She sounded exceptionally on edge and said, “I have bad news”. At first I thought it was my father or one of my aunts or uncle. “Slava Fintel died. We just received the news. I feel so numb.” I wasn’t sure how to comfort her.

After we hung up I started walking around the kitchen and folding towels. I unpacked 2 new towels with apples and blue trim and placed them at the top of my towel pile. I lined up all of the towels since I learned the importance of an orderly home at some of the Buddhism retreats I had been on many years ago. It took a good 3 minutes before I was conscious of my actions and decided to look for other ways to deal with the many emotions that came up at once.

My first impulse was to put on a movie I rent from Netflix but I had just mailed back the movies I rented and realized it would be another few days before a new movie would arrive in those familiar red envelopes. Besides, it was a beautiful day so I thought I would take advantage of the pleasant weather and walk. It didn’t take long before my feet started to carry me to a large bookstore nearby.

No matter what I did it didn’t feel right. World War II occurred long before I was born but I was left with very few live ancestors. My parents often met with a group of couples who studied together in Germany after the war. I spent many childhood days with these folks and their kids. They were my extended family. Slava, her husband, Mark and their 3 kids were always there.

Why am I taking this so hard? What is it about chronic pain and chronic illness that makes me feel so vulnerable, so helpless? If I were healthy, and especially if I had a life that I loved, would I be responding to Slava’s death quite in this way? My caring would be the same but would I feel quite so lost? Slava was my parents’ age so I wonder whether her passing makes the abstract of my parents’ coming death more real to me.

“Be with it”. I fondly remembered one of my Theravada Buddhism teachers, Narayan Liebenson Grady. When she first taught me that concept I had no idea what it could have meant. After many years of Mindfulness practice, I realize that my first impulse is to run from the many feelings, cover them up, distract my mind. So now, through this writing, I am observing the thoughts and feelings.

During the 1990’s, I took many relationship workshops, was in a singles support group, read countless Self Improvement books, and deepened my Buddhism study. Despite having acquired all of those relationship tools I feel as if I am in some sort of emotional demilitarized zone. I seem to be ping ponging around between a sense of loss and a dread of increased, future vulnerability.

It is comforting to share these thoughts with others who have long term pain and illness. Perhaps I am not alone in these feelings. There are physical problems, too. I have a Migraine with shooting pains on the left side toward the back of my head. It is difficult to fall asleep. It helps to remember to be patient with myself.

Migraines and Meditation My Own M&M's

I woke up a couple of weeks ago with a migraine on both sides but pounding more on the left side, the left frontal lobe area. There was some shooting pain in the back of my head, on the right side.

When I get migraines like this, I take Tylenol, and I take Petadolex. Petadolex is something that I buy at Whole Foods. Sometimes the store has to order it for me. http://www.wholefoods.com/. You will not find Petadolex listed on the WholeFoods website. You will find store locations and telephone numbers. See http://www.amazon.com/Enzymatic-Therapy-Petadolex-Pro-Active-softgels/product-reviews/B0017K8VRQ/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1. I use it only when my Migraine is the worst. Ask your neurologist BEFORE taking it.

Chicagoland readers- Dr. Thomas Freedom is an open minded Neurologist http://www.northshore.org/. Other readers if you don't yet have a Neurologist you are comforable with, ask your Primary Care physician or your Psychiatrist (if you see one). It took me years to find good matches. I like Dr. Freedom because he has patients who have had success with Butterbur and he doesn't push meds on me.

I usually buy Butterbur at WholeFoods or at the Vitamin Shoppe http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/.

Petadolex is very expensive - a dollar a pill. But I have to say that sometimes it helps. It has a certain kind of Butterbur inside. There have been a lot of articles about people who suffer from migraines getting relief by taking Butterbur on a regular basis. Butterbur is an herb.

Now, there's a very kind manager at the Vitamin Shoppe. She and I were chatting once two years ago. She told me that her husband suffers from migraines. I saw her a month ago, and she told me her husband is better. Wonderful news! She said he used to go into the closet when he had a migraine, which I understand very well because it's quieter there, and it's dark. However it's just not warm enough inside my closet, otherwise I would consider doing that, but I get cold easily. So, she said he takes Butterbur with Vitamin B2, Magnesium and Riboflavin - takes it every day, twice a day. He also cannot consume chocolate – forget it. If you don't have a Whole Foods or Vitamin Shoppe near you talk to your local health food store. Let me know what progress you are making!

Back to my Migraine. I slept a little bit in the morning to tried to cope with the pain. I just kept very still, covered my eyes and laid with the pillow under my knees. I'm an experienced meditator, and the past few years have given me LOTS of opportunities to meditate, and, so, I have experimented with following the pain. It's not nearly as easy as it sounds because the mind goes all over the place, and when we're in pain, the mind really jumps around, ping pongs, so it's quite something to actually follow the pain or, as my Buddhism teachers call it, "the sensation".

The meditation helps me calm a little bit. And I ask myself "Is this pain moving"? And these are some of the same questions the doctors ask- "Is the pain coming from the outside-in or going from the inside-out?" " Is it more so on one side or on the other?" "Does it start in one place and move to another place?" All of these kinds of questions that I don't even say out loud really help me. Who knows? Does it help because it just gives the mind something else to think about besides, “I'm in so much pain,” or does it help because I become more of an observer of the pain rather than experiencing quite so much (which actually again gives the mind something else to do besides focus on how terrible this is)? I consider it a blessing that I have had so much meditation practice over the years, that I have been to so many meditation retreats.

I have also used 2 visualization CD's that have been very helpful at other times when my mind is quieter. See http://www.healthjourneys.com/. 1st) Self Confidence 2) Combat Depression. After a number of years, and considerable visualization and meditation practice, I developed my own scripts.

Back to Migraines. Some of the doctors said that you cannot skip meals if you have a tendency towards migraines. The doctor from a headache clinic, really emphasized not skipping meals, so I forced myself to eat regular meals today, but I still had to sleep. I really was not able to function until about 9 PM, which is not a good way to start the day. I still have a Migraine, two weeks later, and I notice it the most with certain sounds, such as when I turn on the water faucet to wash my hands. The sound of running water just makes me feel like my head is splitting open, but if I keep it dark in here, and if there are no sudden sounds or even no sounds at all, it's not as bad.

I had really, really wanted to rest, go out in nature today, go to the exercise pool because yesterday was really tough. I took a class, and halfway through the class, I had such severe neck pain, and, by the next day, I had severe hip pain in the right hip. So, I thought that today would be just a really good day to relax, but I was not able to do that, and tomorrow I have to go to a medical appointment. I didn't remember today - I had forgotten this - that every year in August, since I started to have frequent migraines, it is usually tougher than July. I think it's because something must be happening in the barometer, something that most people don't feel, but it must be because we're moving into Fall.

It's good to remember to be grateful. That helps a lot, as does using techniques to help feel more calm, more optimistic, realizing that there are so many people in the world who have it much worse off than I do. But, when I woke up in the morning, I did have those thoughts again: "Why me?" "Not again." "I wish I were dead". I have to be extremely careful with dangerous thoughts, especially with that last thought. I don't mean to scare off any readers by speaking so graphically. My intention is to be open about some of the dark moments because we can help one another - lift each other up!

They teach in meditation practice, "Just observe the thought – let it come and go. Don't hold onto thoughts". See http://www.dharma.org/.

This is the Insight Meditation Society (Massachusetts) website. I was there a number of times for retreats. The website offers Podcasts, Screaming Retreat Talks and much more. I realize that some people may be a little bit put off by a Buddhism website but I can not imagine a lower key place. Everyone I have met there was raised to observe a religion other than Buddhism.

Back to my migraine. I was angry; I was very angry that, once again, I have to go through yet another debilitating Migraine, but, coming back to gratitude, there are so many people who have it much worse than I do. Even more important, I remind myself I so many body functions that are working properly!!! I sure do feel better!

NOTE Consult with your doctor. Advice in this blog is based on personal experience(s) and should not be understood as medical advice.